there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I am midnight drunk by noon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a search helicopter?!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
