Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
