He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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