its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
