Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
