I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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