New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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