hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
