..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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