You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I love you.
Bad choice
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
