After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
