We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
