We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
