Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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