You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
