I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
