TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
