y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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