I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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