Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
