Soap is not a condiment
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
