So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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