and you said cock pushups were impossible
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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