I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
