you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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