living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
