I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
