Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
