Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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