dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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