Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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