I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
