Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He? As in you personified your dick?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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