my sisters under your porch take her home
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
