i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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