you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
