You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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