How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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