Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
