How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
