If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
