you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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