But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
