I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
