Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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