Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
