I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
