i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
