he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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