So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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