woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
