On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize