you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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