Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
