Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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