you turned your livingroom into a bong?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
