Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
