just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
