Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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