I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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