I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
