You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
