her facebook's as public as her vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
