He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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