then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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