you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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