how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
