it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
