dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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