3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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