Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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