My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
whose parrot is this?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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