Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
